BEIJING, CHINA – After enduring what he felt was unwarranted criticism from Bob Costas and other media outlets regarding the celebration following his dominating World Record performance in the 100-meter dash, Usain Bolt pranked countless members of the press Tuesday night.
Mainly employing the tactic of prank phone calls, Bolt reeked havoc on several members of the media who were awoken to phone calls of running refrigerators and the sale of “retarded blankets”. However, it was Bob Costas of NBC that felt the greatest brunt of Bolt’s babyish escapades.
“Oh I got Costas good,” said Bolt. “If he’s gonna be mad at me for celebrating running the fastest time ever, I’m gonna make him step on a flaming bag of shit.” Which is exactly what Costas did.
Waking up at 3 AM to a fire alarm and a horrible stench, Costas opened his condo door to a flaming paper bag and a sea of white toilet paper that had engulfed the yard of the rented out condo. Confused and worried, Costas stamped out the flaming bag with his feet only to realize that they were now covered in feces. “Aww, its poo!” exclaimed Costas to the transvestite mistress who had appeared in the doorway dressed only in a see-through robe.
Bolt lost himself in laughter after Costas’s cry. He yelped, “He called the shit, poo!” and ran away into the night.
Costas has since realized that Bolt is just a kid having a good time at the Olympics who happens to be freakishly talented. “I will no longer condemn Usain’s behavior following his races…I don’t want to have to eat shit any time soon.”